How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
