there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i will never coherently bang her
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will be naked everywhere
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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