There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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