areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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