Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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