we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
