i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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