I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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