i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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