Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
