the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
