I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
