Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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