Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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