The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
