grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
