you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
