Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
