Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
