I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
