you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
