btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
