Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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