How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
