I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
