If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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