I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
