You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
