I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
