also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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