I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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