i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
