i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
