i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
