Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
