Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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