I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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