Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
