He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
