i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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