Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
