He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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