The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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