You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
