Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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