I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
