The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
