fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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