My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
