dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
